Raising a teenager is all about prepping your teen for real life situations and teaching your teen the ways of the world. Recently I was working with a woman as her Parent Consultant and one of the issues she was having with her teenager was that her she was taking things personally about a certain situation they were having between the moms daughter and the ex-stepfather. One of the biggest lessons you can teach your teen is how to not take things personally. Many people have issues such as anger or depression and they project them on other people even though that person has nothing to do with it. We as adults face this all the time and it is important that teens learn this lesson as soon as possible so it does not effect them as they get older. Here is a snippet of the conversation I had with this particular mother:
Mom
“I also wanted to point out that, my ex did not even acknowledge her birthday in September and he buys toys for his son and every time he comes back home with a new toy, “Samantha” sees this and is very upset and angry toward her brother and my ex husband. Although the court order says to treat both kids fairly, this unfair treatment of my daughter from her step-father continues. Wish I could do something about this.”
Teen Support Response
Only thing you can do is explain to her why he does this, that it has nothing to do with her, and for her to not take it personally. We all have to learn at some point in life to not take what other people do personally. The fact is, your ex has his own issues he is facing and is now projecting them on your daughter even though it has nothing to do with her. So just point this out, let it be your first (of many) conversations with her in “not taking what others do personally”. That’s a huge lesson in life and so this is a great entryway into
that lesson.
Teaching your teen that what others do and how they may treat you sometimes has nothing to do with you personally and this is something that you will need to become more aware of as you get older.