Are you tired of arguing with your teen and constantly dealing with family conflict? Do you find yourself constantly yelling with them and the battle just goes in circles? If you do find yourself arguing with your teenager, then you are not alone. Many parents have a hard time getting on the same page with their teen and this can cause the family a lot of conflict. So the question is, why are so many parents having a hard time communicating with their teen?
Arguing with your teen can be caused by many reasons:
Cause: Most parents are so busy with work or daily tasks that they find it hard to muster up the patience to discuss things in a constructive manner with their teen.
Solution: As hard as it may be, you will need to make the time to be able to find the patience so that you can engage your teen from a more centered and calm place. Yelling when there is family conflict is truly just the result of people being lazy or not having the presence to take the time and speak effectively.
Cause: Many parents have not learned how to deal with or face conflict in a positive manner so when something comes up with their teen or the family, they do not have the communication tools to deal with it and then it turns into arguing.
Solution: This is a great opportunity for you as a parent to learn and grow. If you never learned how to face conflict in a healthy way in your family, read up on some books and educate yourself on how to face conflict. Conflict can be a great tool to evolve. Every time you transform conflict it makes you stronger as a person.
Cause: Teens are going through a phase where they are establishing their own identity and therefore no longer want to listen to their parents. They have not established any communication skills so all that comes out is intense frustration.
Solution: Find a way to be more creative with your teen in how you communicate with them. Understand that it is very important for them to stand on their own two feet and be their own person. Make sure you are no longer speaking to them in the same way you were when they were eight and ten years old. Many parents forget that every year their child grows they literally are a whole new person so how you communicate with them should change.
Cause: Your teen has a lot of pent up emotions and anger. It could be that they are upset with you, with their friends, school, or with life in general.
Solution: Find a way for them to release these emotions in a positive manner.
So the next time you find yourself arguing with your teen remember:
1. Have patience. Stay calm and centered.
2. Conflict is a great opportunity to learn and grow.
3. Lead by example and make sure you let them know that you only want to communicate with them in a calm manner
4. If they are angry or scattered, try to find out where these emotions are coming from (get to the root cause)
5. Don’t judge them
And as always, the Teen Support Institute is always here to help.