Out Of Control Teenager
Are you dealing with an out of control teenager? Does your teen talk back to you? Are they disrespectful or do they not act responsibly? An out of control teen is generally the result of how you and your child’s relationship developed in the earlier years. While there could be many different circumstances, the one core basic principle in why your out of control teen is acting this way is because of “how” your relationship was established. Generally when parents do not lay down a solid foundation of communicating with their child it just turns into an ugly mess as they reach that point where they can do what they want regardless of your permission.
I recently saw an old South Park episode called Tsst that gives a great example of how a teen can become out of control. If you are not familiar with the show, South Park is an adult cartoon that is very crewed and outrageous yet well written in how society’s dynamics unfold. There is a character named Cartman that is the out of control child (10ish) being raised by a single mom. He basically does what he wants and has no set boundaries at all because of having no father figure in his life and his mom is very passive in how she relates with him. This particular episode is a spoof on all the nanny shows that came out and they have a nanny try to come in and help “fix” him. The great thing is that they miserably fail and then they bring in Cesan Milan the Dog Whisperer who does an amazing job.
I highly recommend everyone to watch this episode. Even if you don’t like the show itself, I would still say to check it out because it is very well written in how and why an out of control teen can develop in the earlier years and what is a better way to relate with this type of behavior. I wont get into full details but here are some basic points:
1. The nannies that try and help fail to do so because their approach is to use control and talking down at him. That’s just fighting fire with fire because the child is exuding control and you can’t use that to transform the situation.
2. Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer comes in and uses the power of being “neutral” and assertive which is the way to go. By being neutral, you do not add more conflict. And by being assertive you are sending a clear message that the behavior is not ok.
You see, kids are just looking for any type of response from their parents: bad or good. So if you yell, scream, get frustrated, etc…It’s still giving attention to the child. But by being neutral and assertive with your teen, you are still guiding the situation and not giving in. Once again, it’s the “how” you relate with your teen.
Ok, so some people might say “well its just a cartoon”. Yes that’s true. But the scenario unfolds in many ways that not only I have seen but others who tell me the same. As they say, proof is in the pudding so why not try being calm, neutral, and assertive with your out of control teen and see what happens?
You can watch the episode here South Park for free. It’s 20 minutes.